The lives I have lost..

You know what, the plans dont work.. changed my job. changed the place. IBM now, not Satyam anymore.. Hyderabad, not Chennai...

But nothing hasn't changed much.. I mean besides a heftier paycheck at the end of the month and the lonesome lunches.. I miss the people I had in my previous company. Each relationship that was there.. the people are alive, the relationships dead.

I mean no matter how connected we get, mobiles phones, mails, blogs and what not.. nothing would replace the warmth of seeing someone the first time in the day, everyday.. that is love..

that is life..

I wonder sometimes why do I feel the urge to uproot myself every once in a while. Am I addicted to this pain. Am I addicted to this rediscovering myself from the scratch everytime.

But then..

And believe me the first things that come to my mind when I get alone and introspective.. are the people I have hurt all through my life.. I have killed so many relationships.. have hurt many of those. and I believe that leaves a soreness in each of them..

and apologizing is a selfish thing. I would be relieved but I am sure it doesnt make much of a difference.. I have tried it in the past.. but people are suspicious. they try to find the hidden motives..

But I am gonna try it again.. I am going to say sorry once again.

And believe me people. I REALLY AM SORRY!