the smell of bitter almonds...

"the scent of bitter almonds always reminded him of the fate of unrequited love" said the great Marquez.. 

and as I read that line, I think I just fell in love with the book(love in the times of cholera)

As the trees shed their leaves here amidst the onset of winters, the dryness in the air reminds me of those unfulfilled stories.. in a very bitter-sweet way of course...

Somehow I believe only the desire and longing makes for this magic, those great stories.. 

the lonesome walks with the iPod and suddenly getting the apt songs on the shuffle.. the helpless smile.. and being alone in a foreign country adds to the effect .. (Oh yeah, I am as cheesy as it gets! :) )

And somehow if I think, I see a pattern in all my blog posts.. (Besides the lack of creativity and overtly cheesiness as one might say)..

The present intertwined with the past.. the chancing upon the dormant memories.. amidst rain, snow or the fall and sometimes the scorching sun..

and then someone once said, why do we want to see the pattern, just be..

be it those late night calls from the pitch drunk friends telling me how they miss me, recollecting the college days.. or co incidently running into an old "close friend" as we might say now.. ha ha.. how could life be as interesting without those magical moments..

Not that I love to live in the past, in eternal nostalgia... but reminiscing those magical moments once in a while has its own charm.. that's my escape from the present.. 

and while one might say it isn's right..
but then, my world is perfect in its imperfect way... :-)

Rains, Tea and some old forgotten songs..

Its 1O' clock in the night. the fact that tomorrow is Friday is enough to keep me happy tonite. Getting hotter everyday here. I mean it is not "Hot-Hot" as it is in India, but you still wait for the rains. just like one does in India. to bring down the heat.. the same cycle. u want rains and then sometimes u hate it.. the sudden burst on the way to office, stuck in that traffic.. irritated..

But more often than not, i love the rains. they bring in the scent of romance with them. just like the long drives and disheveled hair. just like the scented candles and tipsy eyes.
And so does this song somehow that is playing in an infinite loop. Calgary, by Bon iver.
Sometimes u tend to revel in the idea of romance. Anyways. 

14 months in Canada, perhaps 5-6 more months to go. Some more months of cooking and cleaning. and exploring new songs and often getting back to the old forgotten ones.. lets get back to Dido, Sands in my shoes. But strangely, I don't have any sands in my shoes. I am as empty as one could be..well. lets change the song. 
Thank You by Dido! :)

The weather channel has broken the suspense. It tells me it would rain the entire week. I might need to stock some more Tea for such moments and get hold of some movies. 
and perhaps write another blog. 
just write. like i just did! :-)

Life, Happiness, Death, etc.

Disclaimer - Random, incoherent thoughts.. scribbled down.. might not make any sense. or they might. u never know. :-) 

 So, I saw something very closely that I was most scared of - Death. And it happened right in front of my eyes. I saw my Naani's heartbeats going down steadily and doctors doing the CPR to somehow resurrect them.. sadly, all in vain..it was a painful moment. for the entire family.

I know it is insensitive to write about such personal incidents, and I am not going to write about it. But I mentioned it since such incidents always make you introspective.

And It did make me question a few things.. 

I had planned my itinerary to every minutest detail, made very strong hopes about new developments.. and practically it all went down for a toss. everything nose-dived. But then, it all happened so fast that it is just now that I could sink it all in..

Anyways!

There is this incident that I still remember from my flight back to Calgary.. I mean I was tired and sad to be leaving with all plans and hopes going haywire.. and then I meet this chap from Calgary.. Edward.. 

This chap had been to India for Skiing in Gulmarg.. and quite to my embarrassment, he was assuring me of safety in that area. Pity! So, there was this Canadian fella 55 yrs old and I was like this chap traveled all the way to India to ski for a couple of weeks and then going back. Isnt that exactly what I want when I am 55? To travel to another country and be fit enough to ski!!

The person on the other side is this Indian chap-Debasish, overly sentimental, who somehow made his way from Calcutta to Canada to be a Cook in some small Restraunt in Edmonton.. listening to "O Sathi re" in full volume on his cell-fone.. and arguing with the air-hostesses for an extra glass of Vodka.. I was quite frankly- and more so since coming from Delhi- was more interesting in talking with this chap from Gulmarg.. 

and then Debasish brings out a small note from his 2 daughters.. about how they miss their father..the personal incidents.. (and that letter was one of the most beautiful things I read ever)

and that letter made me change sides. I chose Deb.. and then he talks about how he misses his family.. and so on.. (U know the typical Indian senti talk! :) )  

(Oh well that chap from Canada did argue a bit about how can one love the same person for more than 10-15 yrs. and I am not stereotyping here or making it up but then, he saw that letter and gave up his arguments.. )

and I thought to myself again, "isn't this what I want to be when I am 55!"  To have a wife who wont eat properly until she knows I reached safely.. Children who hide letters in my wallet and then tell me about it when I am just about to board the flight!! 

and well. to add a little more sugar to this overly-sweet. hyper-romantic post, let me end this with something my Canadian colleague's 7 yr old son told her and she posted it on FB -

"Happiness is not something fun that you do, or places you go... it's an inside feeling."