To sir with love!

Song - Jane kitne dino ke bad, gali main aaj chand nikla!

The song completely describes the mood. . .

Have been sad, morose, bored, dejected over the last few months. This state is a welcome change. :)

Woke up with a smile on my face today. After a nice dream. . One of those days, when you just dont forget the dream. The dream lives on for next few hours. And sometimes for the next few days.. Actually, yesterday was a day when I did actually sleep without any thought bugging me.

So yes when I woke up, the dream lingered, the dream where I was in my old school. The school which I left in 1st standard and have not been to that place since then. My next trip is to that small town in remote UP to visit my school. Anyways, on waking up the best thing I got was to see "To Sir with love" on TV!! Sidney Poitier! The students. I had always wanted to see the characters in real life (well, almost) after reading the book, but never actually got a chance. This was magical. the school in the dream and this movie!

And it was drizzling outside. Soulfully! and the weather so perfect!(reminds me of Daffodils poem!)

Life came back after a while. but came back in its best form!

I am in love again!! :)

so the next song now - Pehla nasha pehla khumar.

kar lu main kya apna haal, ae dil-e-bekaraar. . . la la la

- chalo need to go out and soak in the drizzle a bit more.

the revolutionary road

Are you special? Are you talented? Are you genuine? read some forward in my Gmail.
Well...
Though it went straight to the trash, brought back the same feelings which "the revolutionary road" evoked in me.

"Our whole existence here is based on this great premise that we're special. They we're superior to the whole thing. But we're not. We're just like everyone else! We bought into the same, ridiculous delusion. That we have to resign from life and settle down the moment we have children. And we've been punishing each other for it. "
this is one of those lines in the movie that I was able to relate to so much...

Slowly and steadily though, with all these reality checks and the subsequent doubts that creep in, I am coming closer to what I am than what i think myself to be.
Now, to flatter myself, I could claim, that very few of us manage to get to know themselves!

So, I am special in a way ;)

ye manzilen, ye raste...

a few soulful chats. a few good songs. a few crushes. some good movies. a few pats in the office.
a few moments of loneliness. a few tears in the rains. a few sleepless nights. some broken dreams.
some strange faces become familiar. some faces become memories.. some remember, some try to forget. some forget. some forgotten.
a person from the past starts hurting. it isnt just a memory anymore.
love isnt just the present. love isnt just an emotion.
dreams drive for a few days. the meloncholy lasts forever. a few close friends do stay close though.
a hope might seem so hollow. a mirage. keeps you alive. kept me alive.
am alive and will be. till I die..

sapnon se bhare naina..

a long and tiring journey..

7 days in america

well.. I'd be exaggerating if I say it is a feeling "out of the world". I had better a feeling sometimes, far better, listening to songs while munching somosas in the rain while in hostel.. dreaming endlessly about someone.. drinking and laughing for hours with people I have been with..

But this is good too. You walk on the streets with complete anonymity. as some migratory bird. as some restless wanderer in search of himself. as someone just walking pointlessly, sometimes. You can play so many people at the same time. coz you are out of the set of co-ordinates you have been living into. so you dont know how to behave here. so you dont behave. you just be. :) You walk with a beautiful smile on your face since you know that you have always imagined this world too. you have been here and so many other places...

this is good since it brings to fore so many dormant dreams and desires and peps you up for the coming life. I believe there is a connection between the extent you can dream about and the amount of travel you do..

staying alone in a cute little town in the southwest america, I get similar feelings and so many others. like a boy who's just learnt riding bicycle and thats the only thing that drives him throughout the day. thats all he waits to do. I am riding my bicycle 24*7. :) (time being)

survivor!

the battle lasted for years. for years they had fought and when the last post was captured, he was the only man alive. had lost so many he had loved in the battle.
he had only dreamt of this. right from childhood this scene was what gave him courage to shy away from evrything his friends indulged into. and now he was seeing it happening right in front of his eyes.

the entire world was celebrating his achievement. he was given a hero's welcome.

he had a girl who he loved and left her with a promise to be back alive and as always, he had kept his promise, but just the girl wasn't perfect. she was a bit too human. she could not bear the loneliness.. leaving him lonely for the entire life.
he had a mother who always loved him and still loved him. she was also deprived of the son for years facing the cold and heat alone..
he had so many friends who had missed him in their celebrations.. who were so proud of him and always boasted of him being their friend, but they just couldn't strike warmth after such a long gap.

his dream! his dream was still realised. the country had won the battle.

he had grown gray and old and was too tired for another battle and he was misfit for other worldly things.

there was another battle to be fought now and more intense than any other... to be alive..
and he lived on with a smile on his face, because the national hero wasn't supposed to cry!
he was a fighter in the real sense..
we all love such people, don't we??
ha!

the necessary evil..!

it must be the worst feeling to occur to anyone when one realises that he is sapped of emotions, of madness, of passion, of life, of words..
He was going through the same trauma..
he had established is life on his zest for life, the passion, the purity..
and suddenly one fine day he wakes up from a bad dream, and finds himself in a state far far away from where he had been for years, he had ever imagined himself to be..
It was like a long slumber, of hallucinating days after he had decided to shy away from pain, from the things that defined his identity, just because they had no material, no worldly equivalent..
He had been going on a decided path, on a path which he claimed brought things under control, made him disciplined, made him extract more from his life..
he had been claiming to be in more control of his emotions until this day..
there was an immense pain and he had lost his ability to cry..
there were miseries and he had forgotten to seek solace in people, in music..
he had corrupted almost everythin that he had..

and then it rained and he decided it was the time to reclaim life..!
he ran away from the world, getting drenched in rain.. whole body, his soul...
he shouted out, cried, as if no one existed in the world...
he lied down on the ground and sobbed for another hour..
he remembered all the people he had loved and who loved him..
he remembered all that he had had..
he was alive again till he decides again to shy away from the painful thing called love..

...

the present state

well..

this blog writing thing is a fad..
I dont own up any of my writings..
they were temporary spurt of emotions at that state of mind, in view of those circumstances..
and I suggest you not to com back to this page until I ask you to do so..
there hasnt been a more boring "online" thing in my life than this blog stuff..!!

Thanks
Sanil

a beautiful thing called life..!

Place : Office Time : 7:52 PM Mood : after I could rhyme this, I feel good.!


the distant light in a villiage that catches your eye
suggestive smile of a girl that makes you cry
the song playin somewhere which is goin on your mind
a soulful drizzle at the most unexpected time

sleepin at night after workin your heart out
a day full of agonies, and then when you shout
an hour at the temple with something divine
and then when u smile and your eyes shine

the world full of people to love and die for
watchin the waves at the sea shore
a problem solved which has been a nighmare
a girl dreaming and you caught her unaware

watchin the sun set and wait till it comes again
laughin with your friends as if you've gone insane
being with the person who makes you complete
if u call it all a suffering, so be it..!

P.S. The poem is just a reflection of ideas on the poets mind(feels good to call myself one..!)
They are bound to be incoherent and yet coherent in some way.
and then its just a try.. be good to me ..!! :)
...